Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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