It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
