So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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