Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
