dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
