Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
