I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
