he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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