So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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