Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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