I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
