just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
