i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
