I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
