She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize