it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
