sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
