Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
