My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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