its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
