you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
