I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
