lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
