Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
