It was confusing and full of hummus
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
