She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize