your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
