Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
