Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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