gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
