Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my liver is dry heaving
I enjoy the company of your penis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
