What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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