Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
