woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize