we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
