I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
