I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
