what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
