Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
