I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
