The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
