I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
