Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
