you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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