Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
