I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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