I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
