i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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