My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
