im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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