I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
