awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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