Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
