LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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