Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
