Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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