We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
