Do you still have your period?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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