If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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