here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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