so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Nicole vs. Life
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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