booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
