We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
