been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I will be naked everywhere
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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