I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
