All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
