we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
