So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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