Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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