come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
