shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
