If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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