I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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