I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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