my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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