Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
