so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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