The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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