Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
