on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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