Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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