I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
