yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
