She is in my trunk
birth control should be required to get into college
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
