In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
