Jerry, you need to find god
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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