something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
