I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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