I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
