If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
