5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
