Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
