walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
