You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
