its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
