i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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