HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
