some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We have started to decorate penises.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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