i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we're so committed to being not committed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
