Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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