I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
