I faked an abortion last night.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
