I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
