I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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